


Dormant

by BrushDog



Category: DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-21 20:48:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3704461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrushDog/pseuds/BrushDog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lying dormant within Ren's body, all Sei can do is watch. But when he takes a risk, he finds he's not the only one watching...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dormant

**Author's Note:**

> I got stuck on all my longer works so I just started writing something random tonight and this came out. A big thank you to [Hitsugi_Zirkus](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Hitsugi_Zirkus) for the prompt and for beta'ing!

When Sei left his body as a gift to Ren, to Aoba, as a way of allowing them to keep hold of the love that they had somewhat unwittingly showed him, he intended for it to be his final act. His body had never held any particular significance for him. It was always nothing more than a vessel to house his restless mind, an instrument or a tool to be used, the cause of his pain but also of his existence.

To find himself still bound to it, in the end, was something of a surprise. Yet with his mind as scattered as it had been in his final moments, he thinks, he can't say for certain if he truly knew himself at all.

Where he finds himself now, buried in the corners of Ren's heart, he thinks that it's somewhat simpler. He surrounds himself in Ren's thoughts, Ren's emotions, Ren's deepest wants and desires that hide below his conscious thoughts in the deeper foundation of what truly makes him Ren. It's a comforting place to be, a place where he can find himself, piece by piece, in the scattered bits that remain inside of Ren, inside of himself.

At first, he hardly had any awareness of it at all. There was only a feeling, a sense of being, but with no name to place to it. He 'was' but he couldn't parse what or who he was. But as the pieces drew together to form a whole, as he regained more of himself, that awareness returned, bolstered by Ren's memories, of what Ren had seen through the AllMate's eyes, through his own eyes, when Sei had called Aoba to him.

He knows himself now, at least somewhat. Strangely, it's the part of him that remembers the most pain that has persevered. The part of him that remembers family, that remembers Toue, and that remembers what he endured in the name of his father's ambition. He wonders if it's because of that suffering that this part of him sought the warmth he saw in Aoba and Ren's love for each other, in the happiness of the only other family that he had ever known.

He doesn't mind it. He's grateful to himself, in a way, which is a strange thought to have but one that's no less true. Even broken and fragmented, all parts of himself have always been him. It's only now that they have the chance to reconnect.

It's even come to a point where he can recognize his body, Ren's body, as somewhere welcoming. The intensive therapy that Ren underwent has left him stronger than Sei ever was. To live a normal life, as well, has freed him from the chronic weakness and suffering that Sei endured at the hands of his researchers and bodyguards. He knows that when Ren stretches muscles and tendons they don't ache in protest. He knows that when Ren tangles his body with Aoba's in intimacy it's a gesture of pleasure and not of pain.

Those gestures are what draw him, slowly, toward the surface.

At first, he only steals snatches of time away from Ren, only when his mind is resting deep in sleep. He'll open his eyes, stare up at the dark of the ceiling in Aoba's room, flex his hand, feel his fingers brush against his palm before he closes his eyes and retreats once more. It's not that he's afraid of whether or not Ren will notice, but rather he doesn't wish to give Ren or Aoba any sort of false hope that he might return. He doesn't intend to return, really. He wants this body to be for Ren, for Aoba, for the two of them to share with their love for each other. To take it back any more permanently would be stealing that away from them.

Yet the curiosity and wonder of being within himself, of existing without suffering, sometimes seem to get the better of him. Having a chance to see Aoba again, to look on him with his own eyes, hardly seem to dampen those wants.

So, he watches Aoba sleep, when he can. With a careful attention paid to Ren's dreams, more and more often, Sei opens his eyes in the dark of night, shifting quietly until he can see his younger brother's face painted in shadows and the dim light of the city that slips past the balcony curtains.

Ren and Aoba like to sleep with Aoba cradled in Ren's arms, with his cheek against Ren's chest, burrowed into the hollow of his neck. Sometimes he's drooled against Ren's skin in his sleep. The chill of the wet skin and the contrast it provides to the warmth of Aoba's breath against his neck stirs something inside of Sei. He can't quite place whether the desire is his or Ren's alone. He doesn't mind it either way.

He's careful to avoid notice, as careful as he was when he sent clandestine messages to Aoba's coil over Toue's own network to lure him into the depths of Oval Tower. If Aoba or Ren stirs at all he hastily makes his retreat, burying himself back beneath Ren's conscious mind, in the seat of his love and affection for Aoba and those precious to him.

He's certain they haven't caught on, at least no more than Ren's awareness that there is something of Sei that still remains within him. Yet one night, months later, he finds his certainty seems misplaced.

His eyes open to the darkness of the room again, but when they turn to find Aoba's face this time, he's greeted by two slits of bright yellow, watching him intently.

He blinks, Aoba's mouth stretches into a pleased grin.

"Hello, brother," Aoba, or rather Aoba's Desire, whispers into the space between them.

He's tempted to run, to flee again, but Ren hasn't stirred, and if this Aoba is present, he knows for certain that Aoba's Reason is resting in his mind as well.

Slowly, he opens his mouth and tries to remember how to speak.

"...Aoba."

"It is you," Aoba says, his voice edged with the awe of a desperately answered prayer. Sei feels something strange twist inside him, churning at his heart. It hurts. He can't say for certain if it's guilt or shame.

"It is."

"Brother, Sei," Aoba's hands move to cup his face, stretched longer and wider by Ren's influence, and card through his hair. Sei stills, but the touch no longer hurts. He remembers that only a moment later.

Aoba feels the shift regardless and his hands stop their motions as well, cupping the back of Sei's neck, their foreheads nearly touching. Even in the darkness, his eyes are bright and wild. It suits him, of course. The world he knows is only desire, only the wants and needs that Aoba hides within himself. It's been so long now, but Sei can't forget that same desire he saw in Aoba's eyes when he asked for his own destruction. Aoba had wanted to save him, Aoba wanted to find a way for them to be together. Surely this Aoba feels the same, even after all this time that Sei's hidden from them both.

"Aoba," Sei says, unmoving.

"I knew you were watching," Aoba murmurs, his words a quiet rush, his breath hot against Sei's lips, "Ren said it, Reason told me, but I knew it, I knew it, you wouldn't stay away from us, you wouldn't want to."

"You might know my wants better than I do," Sei replies, his voice just as soft, careful not to rouse Ren or Aoba within them.

"I know his wants better than him," Aoba says with a flash of teeth, and there's no taunt, no sharpness to his words hiding hurt and neglect beneath them. That alone brings Sei comfort enough to move, to reach up with one hand and cup his palm against Aoba's cheek.

"You're getting along well, aren't you?"

"Yeah," Aoba nods, the sharpness gone from the edges of his grin, replaced with a warm sort of pride, "I'm Aoba. He's Aoba. We're together."

"I see," Sei says, feeling a smile curl at his own lips, "I'm glad."

Aoba presses closer to him, closing his hand over Sei's as he moves his body over him. Sei sucks in a quiet, sharp breath. He can feel Ren stirring from his dreams.

"You can see for yourself, brother," Aoba says, unaware of the disturbance. "You can see it it all, see us, be with us, just come out for us--"

Sei knows if he raises his voice he runs the risk of waking Ren early, of Ren finding out, but if he leaves Aoba as he is, if he lets Aoba's Desire do as he wishes, Ren and Aoba will know regardless. He swallows, cornered.

"Aoba, I can't--" is all he can say before Aoba's lips press against his with heedless want.

He stills, his breath caught. Aoba's lips part against his, a wet and needy sound escaping his throat before Sei abandons him and escapes.

His awareness returns only after Ren's confusion and panic have settled. Ren's mind is at rest again, falling back onto his familiar constant of conscientious worry.

But Sei can feel the difference.

A small light of hope has been lit within him. Now more than ever, Ren knows that Sei is there, that Sei might return. Aoba knows it as well, and Aoba wants it for himself, for all of them. Sei remembers the feeling of Aoba's lips on his, the urgent plea poured into that desperate motion. Maybe, he thinks, drawing slowly closer to where Ren's hope has made a place in his heart, maybe there could be a love like that to be shared with him as well. With the warm, cautious optimism of the feeling around him, Sei feels an unfamiliar sort of contentment flooding him, drawing him to rest once more. Maybe it could be that sharing in Ren's hope, like his love, wouldn't be such a bad thing. 


End file.
